Day 358: Just call me 7 of 9…
So...

Since the last surgical procedure I have had all this water I just can’t seem to get rid of, in fact the plastic surgeon says I have 1-2 inches of fluid retention – yay me!  So she sent me off for an endermologie appointment – well 20 of them actually.  Today was the first.

Step one was to don a rockin’ body stalking, is that hot or what?  Then she takes this mechanized skin rolling device and rolls the entire body from neck feet – front and back.  Apparently this will force my lymphatic system to pick up the pace.

Some may be wondering why all the fluid.  Well, when they do a fat transfer they utilize liposuction for fat harvesting (when you put it that way… ew right?).  Liposuction creates a space between the layers of epidermis and the muscle below.  The body freaks out and says, holy heck, man the construction crews we have work to do and floods the area with fluid.  This does serve and important purpose but two months out I am feeling like the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters and it is incredibly uncomfortable.

Endermolgie is mostly advertised as lipomassage.  Now, before y’all get excited, that I am having “cool sculpting” which is supposed to reduce cellulite, this device was a medical device first and is FDA approved to do exactly what it is doing for me and has also been used to help folks who are struggling with Lymphedema. These procedures are not all folks seem to believe they are cracked up to be or what seem to picture in their minds. Remember, we have a couple inches of water to worry about, who gives a rip about cellulite.  But something about cancer and never ending surgery re-prioritizes perspectives and literally breaks your “give a f@$#!” on many levels.

Just yesterday someone was saying to me that is must be great to get “new boobs” and they were considering doing that because their Aunt had been diagnosed with breast cancer at an early age.  I hated to burst their bubble about how they don’t get the beautiful boobs they were imagining, but with luck they get boobs that look natural under clothing.  I recommended she use the google’izer before jumping in… and of course consider seeing a few doctors…

I will say that after the first endermologie treatment I was able to cross my legs more normally.  That was a win.  Pain during the procedure was only bad in a few spots, and after procedure, not too bad except for in the abdominal area.  Which was expected.  I will be doing this every Wednesday until the next surgery which is scheduled for April 5.  With any luck, I will get rid of all this fluid before going through this again.

My new theme song is the “Shower Song” by Phoebe Buffay, the character from friends… “Lather, rinse, repeat…”

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