Year 2, Month 5 and 5 days: Storm clouds and rainbows

Year 2, Month 5 and 5 days: Storm clouds and rainbows

So, it is that time again.  Time for annual testing. My blood work always tells me I am healthy, my CT always points to the interesting lumps and bumps of life that I would never know about had I not required a CT in the first place and of course… the hands on exams.  Every girls least favorite.

This time we felt a lump.  I suppose it has been there since the last surgery.  So off to get an ultrasound I go.  Results state ” 1.4 x 2.7 x 0.4 cm Continue reading

Day 67-68: Dark clouds roll in…

Day 67-68: Dark clouds roll in…

It’s been a particularly rough weekend, as I think about it, weekends in general do seem the hardest.  I don’t think it is necessarily any one thing, in fact, I would say that during the week I can easily find a singular thing to focus on and tackle.  However, during the weekend, it all comes together and I just bet you that we could name those dark clouds Continue reading

Day 41 & 42: The storm before the calm….

Day 41 & 42: The storm before the calm….

This is definitely an interesting process.  I’ve not had major surgery… ever… so I am planning on being “out” for a week.  Hoping that is enough.  I have been in the midst of a storm, between work projects, deadlines, meetings, getting the taxes filed and taking care of the typical things life requires and planning to potentially be “away” from life for a week or so.

Friends, family and staff have been great.  And since I don’t look or act sick, I get a fair amount teasing.  Hey… what can I say… I’m really just creating all this drama for a boob job.  😛

Tomorrow is my pre-op appointment and nuclear injection day… subareolar injection… yeah… break that word down… “sub” = below… and areola… yep yep… that is an injection into the nipple.  And nuclear?  Yeah, I will certainly have a special glow about me tomorrow night.  Who the heck thinks of this stuff?!  Good God!

Speaking of tomorrow night, my crazy and lovely friends have named it “Last Night with Boobs at Bob’s Steak Night” – we do steak nights on Wednesday, and the crazy crew has toasted #killerleftboob many times… tomorrow they help me say goodbye.  All of this I call the storm… the 3-5 hours of surgery will certainly be the calm.

Countdown is on… surgery is Thursday…

#‎strongerthancancer‬ ‪#‎embracingtheadventure‬ ‪#‎killerleftboob‬ ‪#‎hawtrightboob‬ ‪#‎breastcancer‬

Day 40: Bye bye bra… step aside lovely lady lumps…

By By BraDay 40: Bye bye bra… step aside lovely lady lumps…

Last night as I got back to our room, I did something most women can’t wait to do… I took off my bra and tossed it aside.  Guys, I am not sure what might be analogous for you… maybe the jock strap or sports cup?  Either of those look uncomfortable enough to qualify as something similar to the bra… Anyway, this time taking the bra off was different.  As I looked at it lying on the bed, I realized that I would only be doing that for four more days. F O U R… M O R E… D A Y S…  So of course I snapped a picture… Continue reading

Day 18: Attitude

Voltair Happy MemeDay 18: Attitude – I have been called a “pathological optimist,” something I accepted with much pride.

I can’t remember the book, but I remember the quote from Viktor Frankl vividly: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” It is worth reading again.

Yesterday was a true reality check for me in some ways, I think maybe the shock wore off or maybe I became aware of new realities. Something about being given a ride face down into the MRI tube with an IV and chilling out in there for an hour and half that will do that to you! LOL Yesterday while getting the IV was the first time I felt “sick” – not physically yet – but just realized – “Hey, I am pretty sick.” Looking at my arm last night and the IV bruising and just realizing, this is really nothing compared to what is coming.

Yesterday, for a moment I was scared. For the first time really.

But here is the thing. I am so blessed to have all of you in my life. It was like the universe knew it would be a tough day and I was genuinely surrounded by love from you and your positive energy matters more than you may know. I am also blessed to know so many cancer WARRIORS. I truly appreciate all the feedback, insight and love. I am blessed to have an amazing supportive family.

I also had a long talk with a friend who is not afraid to ask me tough questions and hold me accountable. The key question? “What are you afraid of?” It is easy to fall into the “emotion” of fear, but once you start breaking down – it is pretty manageable.

The deal is, life is terminal. We are all headed to the same place, at least this current physical manifestation of our being. The “meat suit” we wear simply does not last forever. In some ways, I can already feel the gift that this diagnosis represents, you start thinking about what is important to you in the now and honestly about what things you might want to change.

So, this morning I am looking at a beautiful sunny day, I had a good nights rest, I am surrounded by family and friends and even though I am working today, I am genuinely looking forward to my board retreat as we talk about how we can do more to help our community. Even with all this going on, I can count my blessings. I CHOOSE to SEE the positives.

Wishing you an abundantly blessed day too.

‪#‎strongerthancancer‬ ‪#‎embracingtheadventure‬ ‪#‎killerleftboob‬ ‪#‎hawtrightboob‬ ‪#‎breastcancer‬