Day 63: Look good feel better, SCCA, fellow warriors and Danger Girl……

Danger GirlDay 63: Look good feel better, SCCA, fellow warriors and Danger Girl……

Attended a “Look Good Feel Better” session with my new friend and fellow warrior Danna.  The session was good, though odd in some ways.  It is interesting the focus on how important for women it is to not look sick or tired when I imagine you are feeling sick or tired.  I couldn’t help but wonder if men are given the same pep talk… but I digress.  Warning this post is feeling like it is going to do that a lot.  🙂

In addition to make-up tips, we talked wigs and the chill you get when you no longer have hair covering your head.  So there are night caps – you know like the illustrations in the old Charles Dickens books.  Who knew?   The modern versions are little less pointy.  We also talked about how to draw your eyebrows back on in a way that does not look drawn on and then my big BIG BIG concern… Continue reading

Day 51-53: Cancer math madness…

Day 51-53: Cancer math madness…

Well… This has been a tough one to write.  I’m parsing through all the data and many emotions.
Many of you know that I saw the oncologist Thursday and things have been quiet since then… I am learning “cancer math.”  Cancer math reminds me of my marketing classes while I was pursuing masters of business.  My classmate Britt and I kept getting stuck on how certain numbers were derived, in class one day in total frustration, I decided that there were horses and unicorns and that marketing math was filled with unicorns made from assumptions based on some level of experience but truly they are assumptions and not tangible reality.  We will refer to cancer math as “kitten unicorn cancer math.”

Continue reading

Day 37: The not so secret – but a kinda secret club….

Day 37: The not so secret – but a kinda secret club….

There is a club of sorts, for those of us with cancer.  Once word gets out that you are a member you will be amazed by the number of people who know the secret handshake and have experiences to share.  I am ever so thankful for these fellow warriors.  Because truly, the doctors leave you guessing most the time.  In fact it feels like you are on a never ending roller coaster of surprises.

This process is interesting because you feel the whole time like you are fighting for Continue reading

Day 18: Attitude

Voltair Happy MemeDay 18: Attitude – I have been called a “pathological optimist,” something I accepted with much pride.

I can’t remember the book, but I remember the quote from Viktor Frankl vividly: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” It is worth reading again.

Yesterday was a true reality check for me in some ways, I think maybe the shock wore off or maybe I became aware of new realities. Something about being given a ride face down into the MRI tube with an IV and chilling out in there for an hour and half that will do that to you! LOL Yesterday while getting the IV was the first time I felt “sick” – not physically yet – but just realized – “Hey, I am pretty sick.” Looking at my arm last night and the IV bruising and just realizing, this is really nothing compared to what is coming.

Yesterday, for a moment I was scared. For the first time really.

But here is the thing. I am so blessed to have all of you in my life. It was like the universe knew it would be a tough day and I was genuinely surrounded by love from you and your positive energy matters more than you may know. I am also blessed to know so many cancer WARRIORS. I truly appreciate all the feedback, insight and love. I am blessed to have an amazing supportive family.

I also had a long talk with a friend who is not afraid to ask me tough questions and hold me accountable. The key question? “What are you afraid of?” It is easy to fall into the “emotion” of fear, but once you start breaking down – it is pretty manageable.

The deal is, life is terminal. We are all headed to the same place, at least this current physical manifestation of our being. The “meat suit” we wear simply does not last forever. In some ways, I can already feel the gift that this diagnosis represents, you start thinking about what is important to you in the now and honestly about what things you might want to change.

So, this morning I am looking at a beautiful sunny day, I had a good nights rest, I am surrounded by family and friends and even though I am working today, I am genuinely looking forward to my board retreat as we talk about how we can do more to help our community. Even with all this going on, I can count my blessings. I CHOOSE to SEE the positives.

Wishing you an abundantly blessed day too.

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