#KillerLeftBoob – The Book!


It’s really happening!  So many of you have written, called and texted to tell me that this raw honest look and expression of breast cancer is something that should be shared – widely.  I am excited to say that I have found a publisher and am working on doing just that.

It is exciting.  It is scary.  It is personal.  The book even more so than the blog.  I know I would not have started this and would not be able to complete it without you, without my tribe, cheering me on.

Please take a moment and go here: http://bit.ly/2CF85Dl to sign up for updates, exclusive content, and the opportunity to weigh in on important things like titles and cover art!  No no… that is not the cover… that is something I put together because I needed something – we are going to be working with experts.

2018 is going to be an amazing year.  Wishing you a blessed and abundant year!!

Tammey Signature

Year 2, Month 5 and 5 days: Storm clouds and rainbows

Year 2, Month 5 and 5 days: Storm clouds and rainbows

So, it is that time again.  Time for annual testing. My blood work always tells me I am healthy, my CT always points to the interesting lumps and bumps of life that I would never know about had I not required a CT in the first place and of course… the hands on exams.  Every girls least favorite.

This time we felt a lump.  I suppose it has been there since the last surgery.  So off to get an ultrasound I go.  Results state ” 1.4 x 2.7 x 0.4 cm Continue reading

1 Year, 10 Months, 17 Days: Anesthesia causes what? POCD?

kintsukuroiPost-op (make that post-op x6) I have been struggling with a few things.  A few new things.  I have been brushing them away for months thinking it was me, or that it was just mentally dealing with loss and change and well… losing my boobs, it seems that there may be more to it.

So… I finally decided to start researching it a bit. Research brings me peace and dare I say sanity… or at least moments of it.  😉  I found a great article that, well… I identified with a bit too much really.

Since the surgeries I have felt so darn tired, seriously tired.  I have blamed my commute, my schedule, sitting too much, my sleep schedule, myself… at first Continue reading

1 year, 7 months, 27 days: Colder than a witches what?!

1 year, 7 months, 27 days: Colder than a witches what?!  Yep… true story!  So we’ve all heard the saying… seems like a fitting title for an October post and well… pretty spot on really…  

The deal is, I’ve been getting cold.  Very cold.  A kind of cold that is not normal for me.  Seriously cold, like upper body convulsing cold!!  I kept explaining it as a deep in my back cold.  Implants are cold to the touch, it’s one of those oddities, they never warm to body temperature.  Like never ever.  This is something I mostly ignore, unless I’m in a hot bath or hot shower, because then they feel freezing to the touch and not cool and honestly it can be a little jarring.  But back to this, why am I freezing thing?    I mean, once I get chilled it takes heating pads, heated blankets, a hot shower or hot bath to warm me back up.

I decided to hit the Googlizer… seriously Google diagnosed me before doctors did and well, I find all kinds of great information out there… some of it’s even true!  Per my searching, it would seem that I’m not the only person who has this chilling experience post reconstruction.

Now, if you think about it for a moment it makes sense.  I’ve no adipose tissue, no breast tissue, my pectoralis major is in a new place only covering part of my implant, just skin and some alloderm covering the lower part and this silicone orb rests between the pectoralis major and the chest wall… hence the feeling of cold deep into my back… 

The answer, it seems, according to my sisters on the Internet who struggle with the same issue of cold, is a wool bra.

A wool bra.

Wool.  Bra.

So for those who have followed my bra shopping nightsmares and associated fits, bra shopping is already a challenge.  Now we are gonna up this challenge more by adding wool as our primary bra material.  Oh what fresh hell…. 😕. *sigh*

Back to the internet.

It seems that smartwool is good and there are a few options.  And true to form, the bras are $50 each… (likely could get a few sheep for the price of a bra…) but the wool is “smartwool” so ya know… likely worth it 🙄.  Never mind I could get a years supply of men’s briefs for what I just paid for two different styles of women’s smartwool bras…

So now here we are in winter and I have a whole new thing to consider when packing my backpack in the trunk for an inclement weather emergency… I already have those hand/foot warmer things… guess I’ll pack some extras… just in case…

Oh… and the real clincher is that bras were supposed to be optional post reconstruction… I guess a more true statement is that bras are a seasonal option post reconstruction…. 
#‎strongerthancancer‬ ‪#‎embracingtheadventure‬ ‪#‎killerleftboob‬ ‪#‎hawtrightboob‬ ‪#‎breastcancer‬

Year 1, Month 6, Day 21: Cautiously Optimistic

keep-calm-and-remain-cautiously-optimisticYear 1, Month 6, Day 21: Cautiously Optimistic

Typing post-op and while on pain meds… so please forgive any glaring typos or grammatical mistakes.  Talked with my surgeon just before surgery about the adhesion again. She same up with a plan to insert a piece of Alloderm in that area to pad it and also create space between the skin and muscle.  Alloderm is a regenerative tissue matrix made from cadaver skin. It is also used in the nipple reconstruction.  I did not get the lasers I requested, but still ended up with an element of FrankenBoobs.

As they prepped me in OR, they asked me Continue reading

Year 1, Month 6, Day 20: Purple Polka Dots


So… It’s nipple reconstruction this week. Wasn’t gonna. However I have this nasty adhesion that really messes with my brain and makes me feel less than sexy whenever I catch a glimpse of it. This whole thing about reconstruction not being augmentation – God if only people understood… the “hope” of nipple reconstruction is that in that process will somehow break up the adhesion a little. What do I have to lose right? Well… let me back up.

The only reason I scheduled nipple reconstruction was to attempt Continue reading

Year 1 Day 39: Life is pretty funny if you allow yourself to laugh…

Year 1 Day 39: Life is pretty funny if you allow yourself to laugh…

Busy doctor day today.  Naturopath, Plastic Surgeon, LME/LMP.

I started my day at my naturopath’s office.  She is a great provider that I had started seeing in early 2014 when I could not lose weight. Seriously.  Don’t give me the “it’s a simple mathematic equation of calories in and calories burned.” I hit my frustration point back in summer of 2013 when I did back to back P90X to the letter and followed their fat burning diet and in 6 months lost 8 pounds. EIGHT.  Oh and when I came back from India sicker than sick, unable to eat, I gained 4 pounds in six weeks.  And just in case you think I make this stuff up, this past weekend, I did a two day cleansing fast and an 11 mile hike.  The result?  I gained 1.5 lbs… but I digress.

At my last appointment with my medical oncologist and my naturopathic oncologist, I was lamenting my weight gain.  I have a handy scale that syncs with an iPhone app (thanks again Sparky!) and I was able to show them the actual data.  What the heck, I will show you too. Weight Gain Continue reading

Day 365: One year…

Day 365: One year…

One year ago today I had the mammogram and ultrasound that confirmed I had breast cancer. As the radiologist confirmed it and the ultrasound tech cried a little in the corner I just sighed.

Dr. Google let me know – this was just confirmation.

Rick and I went to lunch. I had red wine and something else I picked at but didn’t eat, a few tears ran down my cheek. I’d never been a big crier or really a fan of emotions – that has changed. I had texted my besties – those who knew where I was and what my concerns were and then I pulled myself together as best I could before heading into an executive/finance meeting and letting my executive team know. I had asked Rick to call my mom and my brother and sister – I knew I didn’t have the strength the talk to them and keep my crap in a pile for my meetings – I barely kept my crap in a pile talking to the executive team. A few more tears leaked out (thank you for the words and love you had that day). There is something about saying it out loud. The shock and concern you see in everyone else’s eyes – the fear you feel with your own diagnosis. Cancer.

It has been a year people. So, though I am doing well, I ask this of you: hug those you love tonight, tell your friends how much you appreciate them, connect with family and plan to tackle a bucket list item this year. Love yourself. Embrace adventure. Step into the unknown. Know you are valued – tell someone else they are. Show and express gratitude. You are so deeply loved.

#‎strongerthancancer‬ ‪#‎embracingtheadventure‬ ‪#‎killerleftboob‬ ‪#‎hawtrightboob‬ ‪#‎breastcancer

Day 358: Just call me 7 of 9…

Day 358: Just call me 7 of 9…

Since the last surgical procedure I have had all this water I just can’t seem to get rid of, in fact the plastic surgeon says I have 1-2 inches of fluid retention – yay me!  So she sent me off for an endermologie appointment – well 20 of them actually.  Today was the first.

Step one was to don a rockin’ body stalking, is that hot or what?  Then she takes this mechanized skin rolling device and Continue reading