Day 57: Authenticity… or is it authen-tit-tit-y

So it was a busy day today, started with a construction meeting this morning, and some desk work sandwiched between that and the finance committee meeting and then the fundraising committee meeting.  The end of the day was a business after hours I really wanted to attend but ran out of energy, and honestly I felt a little awkward about.  Why you may wonder?

To put it simply: faux boob or not to faux boob… that was the question

Getting dressed this morning, I was thinking about the after hours.  This is a pretty tight knit business community and if you are reading this you know, I have not kept my surgery or diagnosis a secret.  On top of all that… right now getting dressed sometimes includes fake breasts.

So as I was getting dressed this morning, standing in the mirror dressed, without said faux knockers, I was thinking to myself… “What would be more uncomfortable, not having breasts or having faux breasts?”

Let’s see, I am 13 days post bilateral mastectomy.  And honestly, I am torn between the faux and au naturel.  I have done both out and about.  The soft pillows of the faux are a little helpful as a barrier between my fresh wounds and the seat belt strap, something for which I am thankful, my husband says they look surprisingly normal, albeit much smaller than the original… my friends and coworkers tried to not look distracted yesterday when I wore them – but there were looks of confusion – and no – I am not imagining it, we were laughing about it – because I prefer to tackle the awkwardness head on…

And then it hit me, when I wear them, I just feel inauthentic.  Which is strange, I mean, I plan to have them replaced.  Of course, those that are still following along on this little adventure will get to follow along with that whole story too.  And clearly the replacements will be faux as well, but the process won’t be hidden.  Maybe that is what it is for me… the faux lady bumps make me feel like I am trying to hide something.  I prefer to think of the breastless me as a sporty flat chested version, and truthfully, it makes me want to do push-ups and work my pectoral muscles… actually now that I don’t have breasts to hide my belly pudge… it makes me want to do some sit-ups too…. 😛

#‎strongerthancancer‬ ‪#‎embracingtheadventure‬ ‪#‎killerleftboob‬ ‪#‎hawtrightboob‬ ‪#‎breastcancer‬