That is a quote from my mom. We went for coffee and stopped by the post office, everyone assured me we had the key.. on the way out… Rick and mom had empty hands. I saw mom digging in the recycle for coupons… she has a black belt in shopping and is a coupon ninja… I said to sis… “Good God… mom is diving in the recycle bin for coupons” – little did I know that was just because they were trying to throw me off and pretend that all that was in the mailbox was junk mail. Not sure if I still have my wits about me regardless of the drugs or if they are just poor at trying to pull the wool over my eyes. 😉 And I have inside information, Amazon sent me a text, I know I have packages… 😛
Emptying the drains still smarts a little. My sister says I look pregnant. She is not being mean. This very cool tank I am wearing has a pocket on the inside to hold all four drainage bulbs and the associated tubing. So I have gone from DD on top to -A and from a normal abdomen to something stuffed with drainage bulbs and tubes. Depending on what I am wearing, the way fabric drapes over it does cause a double take. But rest assured, no pregnancy. They tested prior to surgery… LOL I think when all the wrapping comes off I will be bummed that I don’t have a chest to hide my belly pudge… well not for now.
Looking at my new shape in the mirror I decided I just look sporty on top. You know, athletic. Strangely, I think the loss of those breasts makes me look thinner. I should get on the scale to see how much weight I have lost with just that tissue being removed… but am thinking that should/will probably be part of the pathology report. Funny side note, here it is PMS week and I am not missing the swollen sore lady bumps. Nope. Not at all. I also laugh a little at the leftover surgery marking… the arrow to no where… like “boobs used to be here here.”
So, next I start to educate myself on all the treatment options. I think I mentioned before that the only thing I was certain of was surgery. This was the no brainer. Get the cancer out. Pathology will provide the additional information needed to make further decisions and in the meantime I need to research all my options. I have mentioned before that I am not excited about chemotherapy and am leaning against it. Well, actually have already decided against it, leaving a small caveat based on the pathology results from the sentinel node biopsies. I have talked with family about this and I did not have a port installed.
One option I am considering is the The Hoxsley Clinic. A friend who went through this same thing went through their program instead of chemotherapy or radiation and is now 6 years NED (no evidence of disease). I am also looking into Essential Oils and am very excited about that – a great friend is assisting me on that journey. And then there are naturopathic oncologists and of course alkaline/ph diet. I will be honest, the diet thing I am a little less focused on post-op, I figure I can tackle that after I get through this little post operative bump. Because I gotta tell ya, yogurt covered pretzels go really well with pain pills at 3 am. Especially the ones from Trader Joe’s. Seriously… no jokin’ around.
I also have to say, family is the best, I don’t seem to get a nice peace and love to the world high from the pain pills. I get sleepy and wake up a little cranky. Not incredible hulk cranky but snarky. Thank God they love me. And they are the ones that are having to strip the drainage tubes and sometimes it hurts. It is hard for them to hurt me and I feel badly that they have to do it. With the bilateral mastectomy, I just don’t have the range of motion to do it myself. One of the lessons from this adventure is learning to remain strong while embracing being vulnerable. That is a tough one.