Day 174: Finish line just ahead…

I get the question of size a lot.  I don’t mind it really.  I mean, I have been very open about this process the whole way through and well, I was… shall we say… “voluptuous” at the start at a double D.  Surprisingly though, there is actually a limit to the size I can go, unlike augmentation, and that size is 800 cc.  I was told today that this means, I will never be the size I was.  I am not sure how I feel about that.  Partly because at this point it is hard to picture what 800 cc will look like.

So after the additional 60 cc today, I am at about600 cc each side.  Which barely looks like anything but feels like a lot if pain is any indicator. Trying to relate this to a cup size, maybe a large A or small B?

The expansions are getting to be very uncomfortable and now that they expanders are more full, they truly feel like rocks under my skin.  Sleep does not come easy.  One of the more torturous things about this whole process is that I am a side/stomach sleeper.  I don’t sleep well on my back, and although I have the go ahead from the doctor to sleep on my side, it is painful.  So, I start on my back… roll to my side… wake up in pain, roll to the other side… wake up in pain… and so goes the night.

I have to admit – at this part in the process, I do wonder if I should have gone forward with this reconstruction.  This is the first time I have doubted the decision.  But the thing is, you just don’t know until you go through it.  You can’t take someone else’s experience to be true to you.  It is however, too late to turn back now, and the finish line is in sight.  I suppose part of this is because I don’t take the prescription meds like I should for pain management.  But they just seem to dry me (dry skin… dry mouth… ugh) and make me less intelligent… a friend called me out on that after dinner the other night and encouraged me to take both… half hour later I was pain free and can’t tell you how liberating that was… but it didn’t change my mind on taking them.

I am also starting to get some scarring on the left side, feels a little like beef jerky under the skin.  Doctor says this is normal, I think I will start looking into massage to see if I can break down the scar tissue and better prepare the tissue for the next surgery at the end of the year.

The goal is two more expansions.  They will be large’ish at 100 cc each, but I am ready for a break from this process.  🙂  This process is exhausting.

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