Day 125’ish or 126: I’m awake… I’m awake…

Day 125’ish or 126: I’m awake… I’m awake…

IMG_2777This is apparently how I look on morphine.  Love the fuzzy lens look… very soap opera right?

I have to admit this was a very fuzzy time frame for me.  The pre-surgical cocktail, with anesthesia and the pain pump.  I am not going to lie.  I sat in the quiet for a long time.  Just me, the beeping of machines, the pain pump and the occasional interruption from the nursing staff making sure all is well.  I know I made the hospital sound cold and terrible in my previous post, but I don’t know, I mean, they were efficient and methodical.  Something I appreciate… even if freaked out that I was in the basement… but face it… Continue reading →

Day 125: Lovely lady lumps… insert here…

Day 125: Lovely lady lumps… insert here…

69_SurgicalLights_8This surgery day did not have a lot of fanfare.  It was very different from the mastectomy.  I was alone most the day.  Family couldn’t make it and my husband was showing the house we are trying to sell.  Things moved pretty quickly at Swedish, but the larger hospital in the larger city has none of the small town charm that my previous hospital did – at the smaller hospital I was able to take my iPhone in and listen to meditations when I had my mastectomies done, here I was Continue reading →

Day 124: Pre-op…

Day 124: Pre-op…

Reconstruction ExpanderWOW – That was fast.  Sitting with the office nurse prior to meeting with the doc I find myself thinking about how I am about to have a foreign object inserted into my body.  This is an odd concept for someone who has had very few medical procedures.  We reviewed pre-op and post-op instructions – the usual stuff, stop Continue reading →

Day 119: Can we move my appointment to next week?

Day 119: Can we move my appointment to next week?

Happy DancePhone rang at 8:30 am, missed the call, picked up the voicemail… and started to do that happy dance.  The great news, they had a cancellation, the bad news I need to be in on Monday for pre-op appointment and surgery would be Wednesday.  Well…. we do love a challenge!  Now look, I am not going to say Continue reading →

Day 118: Interviewing a new plastics expert…

Day 118: Interviewing a new plastics expert…

I have mentioned before that when it comes to my medical team, energy matters.  This is a big deal, I mean, here you are robbed of the top half of your body and large portion of your femininity and when it comes to putting you back together, you really want that to be done correctly.  I was lucky that a friend of mine has been through this process and she referred me to her surgeon who is located in Seattle, a few hours away on a good traffic day.  As much as I am not looking forward to traffic and the drive, I am looking forward to meeting this doctor.  My friend told me that this doctor has gone through this process.  This is huge.  Obviously this surgeon Continue reading →

Day 112: Estrogen, ovaries, menopause… depression… ooooh my…

Day 112: Estrogen, ovaries, menopause… depression… ooooh my…

dontoverayactOk, so I have to admit, it took me a few weeks to call my gynecologists office and for the first time in this process actually felt genuinely depressed.  I mean, facing instant menopause is not a fun prospect… a quick google search gives you this lovely list of 35 side effects or symptoms of menopause.  But as I mentioned in my previous post, the whole to have or not to have a child question was the big one rolling around in my head.  I am now 44.  At 44 I have no business having a child really.  So, finally I decided that if I am going to have my ovaries removed, I will inquire about freezing my eggs (btw – not a lot of studies on freezing the eggs of someone my age… yeah… that doesn’t make me feel ancient or anything… I could do a whole post on how depressing that was…).  The egg freezing option is what finally got me to pick up the phone and schedule the appointment.

During this little depression break, many friends have tried to assuage my concerns about menopause with stories about how it isn’t “that” bad.  Well perhaps not if it is your body doing it’s natural thing.  But seriously… this is one minute you have all your hormones and snippity snip, next you don’t.  The body doesn’t have an opportunity to adjust, it is instant AND you don’t get to supplement, because the whole point is to make you estrogen free.  Funny side bar, my little brother asked me, “Isn’t that what makes you.. you know… girly and stuff?  You are already pretty masculine… I mean assertive… what Continue reading →

Day 91: Surgeon’s final follow-up

SmokinHotBodyAfter my meetings with the medical team at the cancer clinic, I had my final follow-up with my surgeon… the original one… I know… it is confusing for me too.

My surgeon really had hoped that the cancer center would have talked me into radiation and chemotherapy.  I know he will be disappointed.

I get into his office, and sit down.  He smiles wryly and says, Continue reading →

Day 79-80: Decision Time…

Day 79-80: Decision Time…

This is a long one… 2 days 5 doctors, 2 nurses and a resident.  Yep it’s been busy.  However, before I write it all up, there are a few disclosures I want to toss out there:

  1. My cancer and diagnosis is not like the cancer and diagnosis of anyone else… and as such, no one has the same cancer situation as I do.  I think it is really important for people to do their own due diligence, my decision is mine solely and not intended to influence anyone else.
  2. If you are a doctor and reading this, please remember you treat a human with a life they likely rather enjoyed prior to the diagnosis – you are not treating a disease but a person.
  3. I have said since the beginning that quality trumps quantity for me personally.

That being said… here we go – Continue reading →

Day 72: Knitted knocker test drive…

Day 72: Knitted knocker test drive…

I decided to give the knitted knockers a whirl today.  I have to thank my mother in law Joyce for making these for me.  It is strange on so many levels.  Where to start…

Size for the day: C two sizes smaller than the original set I had grown all myself…

I have strange sensations Continue reading →