Day 43 part 2: Friends, love and care packages.

Day 43 part 2: Friends, love and care packages.

Ok, in the midst of a meeting this afternoon I received the call from scheduling.  Check in is at 10:25 am.  Tonight my friends gave the ladies a right proper send off!

I don’t have the words to express the gratitude and love I have for these amazing people.  I am truly blessed.

It’s funny the things that emotionally get you.  The handwritten card that simply says “You are beautiful” when truly one of my biggest fears is finding my beauty again – yes I know, I am far more than my breasts, but the girls have been front and center most my life.  Hard to separate them from what makes you feel feminine and attractive.  The super soft PJs for hospital day.  The super comfy and super cool Tukwila FD “fighting for the cure” t-shirt.  The healing hands necklace and earrings.  Lip balm, tissue, super hero bracelet and super hero ring.  Facial cleansing towelettes. And so much more really.  All incredibly thoughtful tokens of love and friendship – thoughtfulness.  Perhaps most thoughtful of all was making the night “normal” amidst the chaos.

I had struggled with a ceremony for saying goodbye to the girls… And in a way that only a loving friend could, Mary wrote a prayer and shared it with us all tonight.  Yes in a bar.  Yes, at the “Last night at Bob’s with Boobs” gathering.

Tammey’s Prayer

Friends, family, acquaintances and strangers:

We have gathered here this evening to celebrate the life of Tammey and her girls, haute right boob and her evil twin, killer left boob.

The girls have given Tammey a good time, but now they’re giving her a bad time. We understand they must go in sacrifice so that we may enjoy Tammey for many more years to come.

So, Heavenly Father, we ask for your blessings for Tammy and her team of caregivers.
May you grant the surgeons plenty of rest tonight, a good cup of coffee in the morning and steady hands during surgery.

May her caregivers, family and friends have patience, understanding, a sense of humor and the ability to apply lots of TLC.

Please continue to provide Tammey with patience, tenacity and her sense of humor to help her heal through this process you have challenged her with.

And finally, we thank Tammey for her infectious positive attitude and her willingness to share this adventure with all of us.

We love you, Tammey and pray for the best!

AMEN!
And now, let’s toast!

Tomorrow the storm clouds part and I find the moment of calm as I drift away under the anesthetic. I will be visualizing good margins and a clean lymph node.  If you get a chance, would you please take a moment and do the same.  🙂

Wishing you all abundant blessings.

#‎strongerthancancer‬ ‪#‎embracingtheadventure‬ ‪#‎killerleftboob‬ ‪#‎hawtrightboob‬ ‪#‎breastcancer‬

Day 43: She’s radioactive!

Day 43: She’s radioactive!

So… Had preop, they gave me a nice body wash as a parting gift… And loads of stuff to read. . Had some more blood drawn… It’s like the lab just can’t get enough of me… Had the subarealor injection with the peeps in nuclear medicine… it hurt like hell… and I d

ropped the f-bomb (sorry Mom). Radiologist felt bad, nuclear med nurse said it was ok. They did put a bobo aid on it and face it… Bandaids fix anything! . I’m s’pose to massage those nuclear isotopes 3-5 minutes at least four times between now and the yet to be determined surgery date in the morning. Theme song for the day “I Touch Myself” by Chrissy Amphlett/Divinyls. Which is not short of irony – like many things along this little adventure:

Preop instructions say something about no alcohol and needing an adult to drive me home from the hospital. Seriously… I feel they need to set more appropriate goals for people having surgery. Just sayin’

#‎strongerthancancer‬ ‪#‎embracingtheadventure‬ ‪#‎killerleftboob‬ ‪#‎hawtrightboob‬ ‪#‎breastcancer‬

Day 41 & 42: The storm before the calm….

Day 41 & 42: The storm before the calm….

This is definitely an interesting process.  I’ve not had major surgery… ever… so I am planning on being “out” for a week.  Hoping that is enough.  I have been in the midst of a storm, between work projects, deadlines, meetings, getting the taxes filed and taking care of the typical things life requires and planning to potentially be “away” from life for a week or so.

Friends, family and staff have been great.  And since I don’t look or act sick, I get a fair amount teasing.  Hey… what can I say… I’m really just creating all this drama for a boob job.  😛

Tomorrow is my pre-op appointment and nuclear injection day… subareolar injection… yeah… break that word down… “sub” = below… and areola… yep yep… that is an injection into the nipple.  And nuclear?  Yeah, I will certainly have a special glow about me tomorrow night.  Who the heck thinks of this stuff?!  Good God!

Speaking of tomorrow night, my crazy and lovely friends have named it “Last Night with Boobs at Bob’s Steak Night” – we do steak nights on Wednesday, and the crazy crew has toasted #killerleftboob many times… tomorrow they help me say goodbye.  All of this I call the storm… the 3-5 hours of surgery will certainly be the calm.

Countdown is on… surgery is Thursday…

#‎strongerthancancer‬ ‪#‎embracingtheadventure‬ ‪#‎killerleftboob‬ ‪#‎hawtrightboob‬ ‪#‎breastcancer‬

Day 40: Bye bye bra… step aside lovely lady lumps…

By By BraDay 40: Bye bye bra… step aside lovely lady lumps…

Last night as I got back to our room, I did something most women can’t wait to do… I took off my bra and tossed it aside.  Guys, I am not sure what might be analogous for you… maybe the jock strap or sports cup?  Either of those look uncomfortable enough to qualify as something similar to the bra… Anyway, this time taking the bra off was different.  As I looked at it lying on the bed, I realized that I would only be doing that for four more days. F O U R… M O R E… D A Y S…  So of course I snapped a picture… Continue reading

Day 39: Sometimes warriors retreat… or rather attend retreats

Day 39: Sometimes warriors retreat… or rather attend retreats… and drum circles…

Today was a full day at the Harmony Hill cancer retreat.  I can’t say enough good things about this incredible program.  Now… I am going to keep it real.  I had to get rid of some of my own bias and prejudices and to be honest, I had a moments thought about backing out of this.  This is unlike anything I have ever done in my life.  Group sessions, drum circles, meditation and movement… art sessions.  In fact, looking at the schedule you had to wonder… how does all this come together?  All I can say, is that they do.  Mix in the sense of community and support with fellow warriors and it really is incredible.  I feel fortunate that I am able to attend just prior to surgery and so soon in my cancer adventure.

For those who are reading this and are in this battle, whether you are just starting, in the middle, toward the end of treatment or in remission, I highly recommend checking out this no cost retreat for you and your spouse or caregiver.

They say that each of us creates and fights off about 300 cancer cells per day.  That we are all living with it, but typically our immune system recognizes these rogue buggars and gets rid of them before they become anything.  This weekend has me thinking a lot about stress and immune suppression.  Not that you want to, or should accept “blame” or “shame” in getting cancer, I certainly don’t.  I do see an opportunity to ask myself what I can do better.  It is a learning opportunity.  In fact, the meditation and movement sessions were real eye openers.  I never sit still.  It was amazing to recognize how I felt after that session.

I took care of myself and still do, which is one of those reason I keep saying “how me?”  I am healthy, heck, cancer doctors keep telling me I am healthy.  I exercise, eat mostly organic food, no terrible habits (other than swearing on occasion… don’t hold that against me…).  But something I know about myself is that I find calm in the chaos of activity and quite frankly, I think I am addicted to a certain level of busy… a certain level of activity.  Now, I have a pretty compelling reason to look inward and slow it down a little.  To intentionally breath, to intentionally relax, to intentionally allow myself to find the stillness.

A common theme so far this weekend has really been about attitude.  I choose the word warrior… not survivor.  I have not met a lot of “victims” in my 39 day adventure.  I have met a lot of warriors.  Warriors who understand that the battle is won before it is fought.  Reinforcing that attitude is everything… which is also something my cancer doctors keep telling me.  🙂

#‎strongerthancancer‬ ‪#‎embracingtheadventure‬ ‪#‎killerleftboob‬ ‪#‎hawtrightboob‬ ‪#‎breastcancer‬

Day 38: Life outside the comfort zone…

Day 38: Life outside the comfort zone…

I am always saying that the goal in life should be to acclimate to being comfortably uncomfortable.  Thing is, I am usually talking about  purposefully and intentionally stepping outside your comfort zone.  Breast cancer is one of those times where I am being forced out of my comfort zone not by my own choice or design.  That is equating to a lot of awkward discomfort.

This weekend I am taking advantage of the free cancer retreat offered at Harmony Hill in Union Washington.  The word retreat makes me of trust falls and updating the SWOT analysis.  You know, corporate retreat stuff.  I have never attended something like the retreat I will be attending this weekend.  However, the timing for the cancer retreat is pretty perfect, considering surgery is now 6 days away.  For that I am feeling very fortunate.

The schedule looks interesting and facility is beautiful.  I am excited to learn more about nutrition and cancer, and maybe some new thoughts and ideas on ways to relax.  Cancer being the funny thing that it is, and as this great article from Science 2.0 points out, literally everyone has cancer – right now.  Truth of the matter is, relaxation is something I have been short on the past three years as I completed my Master’s of Business Administration, worked full time and ran for public office.

I am also fortunate that Harmony Hill is local to me and so I know many of the wonderful people there and its incredible story.  This will be the first time I experience Harmony Hill from the inside and I am looking forward to bringing you along… well… virtually.

#‎strongerthancancer‬ ‪#‎embracingtheadventure‬ ‪#‎killerleftboob‬ ‪#‎hawtrightboob‬ ‪#‎breastcancer‬

Day 37: The not so secret – but a kinda secret club….

Day 37: The not so secret – but a kinda secret club….

There is a club of sorts, for those of us with cancer.  Once word gets out that you are a member you will be amazed by the number of people who know the secret handshake and have experiences to share.  I am ever so thankful for these fellow warriors.  Because truly, the doctors leave you guessing most the time.  In fact it feels like you are on a never ending roller coaster of surprises.

This process is interesting because you feel the whole time like you are fighting for Continue reading

Day 36: And so it begins… surgery is scheduled

Yes… it did get real… real faaaaast.

Day 36: And so it begins… surgery is scheduled

A little bit of confusion yesterday as the Surgeon and Oncologist got on the same page… but we are a go.  Surgery is scheduled for next Thursday March 26th and pre-op is scheduled for Wednesday March 25th.

Things got real very fast.

Had someone ask me yesterday if I was scared.  I thought about it for a minute.  I am not scared, or have not been scared yet… this is a long journey.  If anything I am downright pissed off.  I have not had the “why me” thoughts, but I sure have had the “how me?” thoughts.  And of course anxiety is a constant friend, as is overwhelm… man oh man…. is there ever overwhelm.  So much to do and so little time to do it all.  BUT… that is my normal mode… 🙂

The only thing that keeps my head straight in the dark times is the total belief and understanding that for whatever reason, this is my path… my journey.  I guess you could also call that faith.  🙂

8 days to surgery.  8 days until we start treatment.

#‎strongerthancancer‬ ‪#‎embracingtheadventure‬ ‪#‎killerleftboob‬ ‪#‎hawtrightboob‬ ‪#‎breastcancer‬

Day 35: Restless nights…

Day 35: Restless nights…

There is beauty even in destruction…

Restless night.  Could not sleep last night.  The weekend and even yesterdays plan took a toll on me emotionally.  One thing about having a plan is that it makes the previously intangible now tangible.  As I was finally drifting off, I had a minds vision (I hesitate to say dream because I was not really asleep yet).  In this vision I was pulling on the tank top I ordered that holds my drainage receptors post surgery which also came with faux breasts or bumps for that time between mastectomy and expanders and I just lost it. Continue reading

Day 34: Finally… A plan and I’ve been staged…

Day 34: Finally… A plan and I’ve been staged…

It will grow back they said... curly they said...

It will grow back they said… curly they said…

Ok… We have some answers, some good news and a plan.  Let’s start with the good news.  The CT and bone scan came back clear.  There is NO indication of metastasis. This is great news.  Lymph nodes look good – although they still will want to take the sentinel node(s) next to #killerleftboob

My Oncologist (aka Potions Master), the Radiologist (aka Bones) and the Surgeon (aka Hack & Saw) Continue reading