Author: Tammey

Tammeyhttps://killerleftboob.wordpress.comI was diagnosed with breast cancer in February of 2015, this blog is me sharing my journey. So yeah... we are going to be talking about booby cancer and such. Shhh….. in fact we will probably cover other shhhsh worthy topics like nipple reconstruction too. You’ve been warned. In fact, those boobies gracing the top of this page are the topic of discussion… well… really the cancer is more correctly the topic. This started out as me just sharing with friends on Facebook, and one of them said, “Hey… why aren’t you blogging this?” So here it is. I spend my days as the COO/Executive Director for a nonprofit and volunteering to better my community… Well… when I am not busy fighting cancer.
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Day 33: Late post – packing boxes

Day 33: Late post – packing boxes

Prepping for this medical journey keeps one busy and distracted.  I feel fortunate that I have good medical insurance, although truthfully even with the decent deductible and good plan, the anticipated expense is mind numbing.  Thus, I also feel fortunate that we have a second house we can sell and better prepare ourselves for the coming expenses this next year – year and a half.  But prepping a house to sell was not something we were planning to do a few weeks ago, so we are feeling rushed and unorganized in the process.  Especially since we are planning to sell the home ourselves.
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Day 32: Bargaining and quality of life.

Day 32: Bargaining and quality of life.

I like data and I like research.  Now… with cancer you will find loads of conflicting research and data.  Which makes sense, every person and their cancer is unique.  But it struck me that in a way this is really looking at odds and estimated percentages.  Treatments are based average success rates and your life becomes measured in blocks of years.  In fact, survival rates for cancer are typically calculated in terms of how many people live at least five years after their diagnosis. Yes five years, for ILC is currently reported as 85% with a 30 year survival rate of 50%.

There is a lot of focus on living, extending years and extending life, but not a lot of talk about quality of life.  A topic I plan to force into conversation this coming week as I follow up with the oncologist (Monday) and surgeon… sometime during the week.

I’m not gonna lie… reading about chemotherapy makes you question the odds makers and do some research. One study I found said, “In the end, our study indicates that primary chemotherapy, with its toxic effects, may not be the best standard of care for women with invasive lobular carcinoma,” Cristofanilli says. “Additional investigation, including genomic and proteomic studies, are warranted to help clarify the unique biological features of this disease.”  http://www.news-medical.net/news/2005/01/03/7087.aspx

For my fellow data nerds… you can lost for awhile in here: http://jco.ascopubs.org/content/23/1/41.full or here http://erc.endocrinology-journals.org/content/14/3/549.full#sec-16

So… this brings us to bargaining and the Kubler-Ross model which identifies the five stages of grief as denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.  Interestingly enough, I think that with cancer you can hit all of these in an hour… kind of like a carnival ride….

As I research and think through chemotherapy, it strikes me that I need to ask the question not just about quality of life but percentages and success rates when it comes to no treatment, surgery only, chemotherapy only, surgery and chemotherapy, naturopathy, etc.  In other words, I need to know all the options and in all honesty I am not yet convinced with the numbers when it comes to chemo.  During the web surfing and research I keep seeing a little survey of 128 US cancer doctors quoted found that if they contracted cancer, more than 80 percent would not have chemotherapy as the “risks and side effects far outweighed the likely benefits”.

I know this may be perceived as bargaining, I don’t know, I see it as my job to do my due diligence and ask about all options.

Something I know about myself… it is not about how long I can be here, it’s about what I can achieve while I am here.  Quality of life matters – and it will be the topic for next week as I talk with doctors.

‪#‎strongerthancancer ‪#‎embracingtheadventure ‪#‎killerleftboob ‪#‎hawtrightboob ‪#‎breastcancer

 

Day 31: A new normal

Day 31: A new normal

That should probably be new normal(s) – there will be ongoing adjustments.  These adjustments include things like successfully riding the wave of emotion back to solid ground when I sit down for a minute at night and stop moving.  It also includes pushing through constant interruptions, like a call from your oncologist during a staff meeting or new tests and appointments that you simply make time for and the subsequent rearranging of the rest of your schedule (and everyone else) in the process.
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Day 29: Openness and the unknown.

Day 29: Openness and the unknown.

I have gotten a lot of amazing messages, mail and email for sharing my journey so bluntly. I have also had a lot of people ask why I am so open about this cancer journey of mine.

There are very few things you can control in this process. Writing is something I can. Not to mention, through this process of sharing I have heard from so many cancer warriors. The advice and camaraderie are critical – at a time when daily I face the unknown, it is so important to me to hear from those who have been there and those who are there with me going through this right now.

Writing has also unintentionally created prayer and positive energy warriors that I am ever so thankful for – when my positive energy cup starts to feel a little low, someone seems to always be there to help refill it.

Cancer is annoying and sneaky. I still don’t look or feel sick. Thing is, once I start treatment I certainly will. I suppose part of being open about it is trying to mentally get ahead of the physical changes we know are coming. Well, prepping myself more than anyone else. LOL. But even if I don’t lose my hair and am blessed with just needing radiation and get to skip Chemo… I am still losing my breasts… And although temporary they won’t be back for 8-12 months. I will certainly look different. 😬

The unknown is a challenge – especially for a someone who considers themselves a control freak… I’ve been lucky and not been sick much in my life. So heck, all this is unknown to me.

What can you do though? For me it seems I can either face it with fear or embrace it as an adventure. I’m choosing adventure.

‪#‎strongerthancancer‬ ‪#‎embracingtheadventure‬ ‪#‎killerleftboob‬ ‪#‎hawtrightboob‬ ‪#‎breastcancer‬

Day 28: DENIED… No PET Scan… Macy is off the hook….

Day 28: DENIED… No PET Scan… Macy is off the hook….

So, insurance denied the PET Scan, which the doctors office told me is not that uncommon due to expense. So tomorrow morning I go in for a bone scan and CT of my abdomen, chest and pelvis. (Try not to let that green eye of envy show….) The Oncologist really wants to make sure we know what and where and that we do our due diligence. But patience is running out… feels like a ticking time bomb is living in ‪#‎killerleftboob‬… and I don’t like it… not one bit.

So I guess tomorrow I get injected with some radioactive isotopes, which have to hang out in my body for 3 hours, but while we are waiting for them to do their thing… which would be bind to my bones, I will be getting the CTs. I really am ready to get moving after these tests though. We are done right? I mean… they are finally out of tests right??  We will see if I am glowing tomorrow night from all the radiation.

In other news, we have decided to sell the house in Snohomish, we are going to try this “For Sale by Owner” thing, if anyone out there has any experience or advice, feel free to weigh in…

Thing is… Cancer is not cheap, let it never be said that I have cheap taste in anything….  So looking at paying a realtor points (which are well earned and well deserved… don’t get me wrong) vs. paying for Chemotherapy… well… I am leaning towards paying for the Chemo… I know I know… I really know how to party!

This also means that Rick will be looking for a place to rent up North, since his work down here is finishing up and he will be working in the Seattle area for awhile. So…. if you know of any fabulous rental opportunities in the Seattle, Bellevue, Renton, Bothell area be sure to let us know.

No pH update today.. I forgot. 20mg of Melatonin is a serious amount of Melatonin! Hope my body adjusts to this…. holy heck!

Oh and good news! I still like the haircut today. Lisa was a real trooper… she had no idea we would basically be spending 5 hours in the salon… (Did I forget to mention that?) I do keep reaching for my hair to pull it out of my jacket, etc. Good thing is that if I really miss it, I can pull it out of the baggy I have stored in…

And hey – I love you guys. You are all amazing. Your love, positive energy, prayers, humor and support keep my spirits high. Seriously. I appreciate you.

‪#‎strongerthancancer‬ ‪#‎embracingtheadventure‬ #killerleftboob ‪#‎hawtrightboob‬ ‪#‎breastcancer‬

Day 26: Embracing the day and setting expectations

Day 26: Embracing the day and setting expectations

So when talking with the surgeon he was saying to plan to be out of the office for a week but after that I should be back in the swing of things with most my activities. Now, I find this hard to believe with the amount of tissue basically being “amputated” from my body – so I did a little research. Most post mastectomy write-ups say to prepare for 6-8 weeks of healing before anything near normal activity.

Now my mom (Sandy) is the opposite extreme, she is planning for a hospital bed to be delivered and 12 weeks of recovery. (Yes she is reading this and she knows I am talking about her.)

So somewhere between superhuman amazon queen and helpless as a church mouse is where I expect to find myself. One thing for certain, I will be going crazy after about 7 days… just sayin’.

Now this whole drainage tube thing and measuring of fluid is the part I am most stuck on right now. I am not getting past the “EW” factor on that… nope. Just not. I will have to get past it, I realize this, but it just might not happen until I am forced to face it. I imagine that after 3 surgeries a year and a half from now I will be a pro at it!

The weather is simply beautiful right now. It was nice to sit in the quiet, listen to the wind work its way through the tree tops and the squirrels and sapsuckers converse. It was probably the most active I have been in well… 26 days. It was also great to get in a little rifle training. I love target shooting, it requires focus, discipline, self control on everything from your position to your breathing. My cluster was within 6.25” at 300 yards with a bulls-eye… yeah… that is something to write home about.

All this reminds me how important staying active and being in nature is to mental outlook and energy level. 

Today is a work from home day and a day to do something with some sweet potatoes as part of my lunch plan for the week next week. I discovered some curried cashews that are great, other than per all my reading raw would be better than roasted, and sprouted better yet. I need to figure out how to season some sprouted cashews – I have a feeling spice is going to matter a lot in my new food adventures! May need to go shopping with Namita or Vish and get a lesson on spices!!

pH 7.5 today. That is actually impressively better for just a day. 

Make it a beautiful one guys!

‪#‎strongerthancancer‬ ‪#‎embracingtheadventure‬ ‪#‎killerleftboob‬ ‪#‎hawtrightboob‬ ‪#‎breastcancer‬

Day 25: East vs. West, a small success and a funny

Day 25: East vs. West, a small success and a funny

Met with the surgeon yesterday. I got the impression that he did not care for Naturopathic treatments. I have seen a Naturopath most my life, since I had a stroke at age 25 actually. But that is a different story. One of the things I always find interesting about Western medicine is “ranges” on blood workups. For example, my Vit D is 27.3, the surgeons office recommended I take 2000IU daily, the Oncologist bumped it to 10,000. The Surgeon made a comment… “Well “normal is 30” – what did they bump you up to? 50,000?” The range for normal is 30-80. The Oncologist wants to see my Vit D at 60-80. Apparently Vit D is critical to immune strength – which I will be needing over the next few months.

The surgeon mentioned that MRI’s tend to exaggerate tumor size. So I did a little web research (whatever did we do before the inTARwebs?), seems that about 30% of the time MRI exaggerates by .66 cm when contrast is used. Mine have apparently increased in size by 3cm and 3.6cm. He did say that based on size alone this would put me at Stage 2 without knowing for sure whether it is in the lymph nodes or elsewhere. He wants to wait until after we get the PET Scan results to decide on whether we will do surgery first or chemotherapy first.

We should hear Monday on pre-authorization and hope to get the PET Scan done early in the week so hopefully we can get moving on getting rid of it. I am a data person, so I love getting all the data, but at some point you start to feel like… seriously? have we not analyzed the crud out of it yet?  Of course, the peace of mind or reality sammich a PET Scan will offer will make it worth the wait.

We also talked about what to expect post surgery. In a word… EW. So so so much EW.

Ok so some wins… in my search for food stuffs that are alkaline and realizing that most my normal foods are now off the menu I am starting to find new options. So… successes:

  • Thank you Shannon, I found some instant Cafix and it is actually alkalizing to boot! Mixing with a half of a Starbucks Via in hopes that people will still like me as I transition off the coffee and to the teas
  • Unsweetened Coconut Milk is pretty good. It is not like milk nor is it like cream and the flavor is not too strong of coconut, it is mildly alkalizing and so far it compliments my organic vanilla tea (thank you Suzanne) beautifully.
  • Quinoa is going to be one of my new go-to foods. Made a chai spiced quinoa porridge with chia seeds, cinnamon, vanilla, nutmeg, ginger and coconut milk. Added dried fig, dried apricot, slivered almonds and dried dates with a smidge of 100% organic maple syrup and liked it very much. Very filling and doesn’t take much.

My pH was 6.5 this morning. Goal to get it above 7.

Oh and the funny. The Surgeon wanted to do another breast exam to see if he could identify the borders of the tumors… (yeah yeah…). Anyway, I said to him: “You know, just last night I told Rick that the next man that touched my #killerleftboob was gonna punched in the throat.” He looks at Rick, awkward pause, Rick says, “I didn’t touch it… so your up.” No, I didn’t punch him… may have fantasized a little… it hurts people… oi!

As all’y’all have figured out by now… I cope with bad jokes and humor.

#strongerthancancer #embracingtheadventure #killerleftboob #hawtrightboob #breastcancer